By Rachel Smith
Deciding to share a place with the one you love can be an amazingly happy time. That is, until he refuses to take his ratty, hand-me-down couch to the tip – or worse, pokes fun at the floral motif you’ve lovingly perfected in the living room.
As an advice columnist, I mention the word ‘compromise’ a lot. But it’s possibly never more necessary than in the months after you and your partner decide it’s time for a fixed address. After all, it’s not just about furniture; you’re bringing personalities, pasts and memories into a shared space – which can sometimes equal a few epic meltowns heated discussions.
So if you’re at the cohabiting threshold, here are my tips for creating a love nest you’re both happy to call home.
1. Ditch, donate, sell If you’re in a small space, resist the urge to cram in all that you own. Decide together about what stays and what goes (here’s where the compromise bit comes in). Trust, me, it’ll be a lot easier making that list after you’ve bonded over a couple of really confronting Hoarders episodes.
2. Meet halfway Hard to do when you’re in a stalemate over his Samurai sword collection and seen-better-days music posters. But just changing how things are displayed can work wonders. His favourite sword over the mantle, or framing a couple of old music posters and mounting them on a bare unused wall can add interest and personality while preserving part of your partner’s history.
3. Shop as a team I know IKEA has the power to dissolve relationships in an afternoon, but braving stores together will crystallise where your styles overlap. Maybe you’ll both agree your bedroom could be transformed by a chunky teak headboard. Perhaps that bottle-green glass lamp you spotted at a vintage bazaar is perfect for the study. Agree to hear each other out and shop with a sense of give and take – the result will be rooms you both love.
4. Be open to remodeling That crappy coffee table he’s lugged from sharehouse to sharehouse and can’t bear to part with might look great with a mosaic make-over or lick of paint. Similarly, is it time to swap the summer poppies wallpaper in the bedroom for a fresh new look you both like? Get remodelling inspiration from mags, blogs (like this one!) and scouring retro stores in your area.
5. Merge styles for main areas… He digs a dark, moody bachelor look; you’re into colour. No problemo. Anchor the living room with, say, a dark microsuede or leather sofa and freshen up with colourful pillows, throws and maybe an eye-popping feature wall.
6. … But have areas just for you. If you have space, create zones in your home that reflect your differing tastes – be it a comfy reading nook, outdoor space or full-blown man cave. My hubby commandeered our spare room as his music room, creating a cool space that houses his guitars and street art collection. My domain is the study, with its rich rugs, wall-to-wall books and cosy vibe I love.
Did you have a tricky time merging styles with you moved in with your significant other? What are your tips for making it work?
Sydney journalist Rachel Smith dishes out love life advice at relationships blog Reality Chick, moderates letters at Letter To My Ex and runs media recruitment and connections website Rachel’s List. One of these days, she’s going to stop buying domain names. Probably.
Even though my husband and I have lived together for the last 4 years… We have wildly different tastes. Something we’re still trying to work on. Shopping together works, but I’ve also found that if I find something I really love, I’m better just getting it and putting it in the house. 9/10 times he’ll like it, whereas if I try to show him something before I buy it… he usually vetto’s it.
I love that tactic Naomi! Our house is so small though, we kind of are stuck with what we CAN buy, so we have to discuss together what comes in (and what goes out, if something has to go out to make room). Ahh, to have a larger abode… maybe one day.
I love your ideas – I’m just moving with my partner, and we certainly have different tastes. I’ve given him a large spare room so he can paint it bright pink and hang his batman posters up. He’s even managed to wedge a full-size pool table in there.
Oh I’m jealous! I would die to have space for a pool table, hope you’re invited into the pink (!) man cave occasionally to drink beer and beat the pants off him! (At pool, that is. Haha.)
This post bought back many frustrating yet funny now moments of when my husband & I got married and bought our first home. During our courting time we lived in country towns an hour apart so our individual opinion on each others decor style was the last thing on our minds. It wasn’t until we started unpacking boxes and discovering hidden treasures that the eyebrows started raising and heated discussions about whether that object really needs to be apart of our home. Compromise is essential. There are plenty of things i dislike about what my hubby bought to our home but it wouldn’t be OUR home if some of his things that Im not a fan of weren’t included. Your tips above are great ways of merging….especially the framing of treasures! We now shop together and always choose things we both like. With paint colours, choosing blinds and styling the house, Im lucky, hubby is happy for me to do! Im also a bit like Naomi…I find if I buy something quite often he doesnt even notice until months later and then he compliments me….THks again….good read…and funny!
Thanks Kylie! I’m still awaiting hubby’s crate from overseas and I *know* there are swords and other things in it that I will have to be creative with. Deep breaths. 🙂