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Not-a-mummy-blogger: the birth and breastfeeding

By Jen Bishop โ€ข 39 Comments

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When I first started penning this post, it was called something like the reality of motherhood, one month on. That says it all really, as Sebastian is now nine weeks old and I just realised it still wasn’t finished! What I really wanted to share here were some warts and all thoughts on motherhood as a first time mum. Because it really isn’t all about cute baby pictures on Instagram. While having a baby is without doubt the most amazing thing my husband and I have ever done, we’ve never loved anyone more or felt more blessed (and that’s an overused word these days), having a baby is no bed of roses and the more people share honestly about it the better for all new and existing mums, I say!

Sebastian
Our Sebastian

If I’ve learnt one thing above all others it’s if you have a plan, bin it! Or at least make peace with the fact you will not have as much control over things as you’d like and you’d better learn to roll with it if you want to stay sane and not fall victim to feeling like you’re failing.

Let’s start with the birth. Damian and I attended Calmbirth classes because my OB suggested this was the best option if I was hoping for a drug free delivery. I wanted a drug free birth but was also open to the fact it might not go that way and I really had no idea what I was in for. That was my preference, not because I think drug-free is best or I’m a martyr; at its simplest I thought women have been doing this for a very long time, our bodies are designed for this and I’d prefer it to be as close to how nature intended as possible (while taking advantage of top 21st century medical care!).

I found Calmbirth useful, especially the science side of things, but being someone who struggles to sit still or switch off (meditation is my idea of hell and I sometimes find a one-hour massage too long), I did find it challenging! My friends call me the eye roller because I can be a bit of a cynic so it took all my self control to focus on the Calmbirth experience and to get the most I could from it, and it was useful. That said, when it came to the reality of having my baby, he decided he was quite comfortable and going to be fashionably late. I was booked in for an induction (the one thing I wanted to avoid and had been told to try and avoid) for the Monday when I would be 10 days overdue. But my OB was 90% sure I’d have him before then.

To cut a long story short, Monday came around and despite my best efforts to persuade him otherwise, Sebastian didn’t start labour (did you know it is the baby that actually starts labour? I know!). So off we went to the hospital at around 9pm. I was disappointed my labour was now going to be 100% in hospital as I’d really hoped to stay at home as long as possible, and I really didn’t want an intense, sped up process, but that’s what I got. To cut a long story (well actually, not long at all!) short, things happened very quickly and I had an intense three-hour labour. While I still tried to hang on to my ideas about no drugs, after almost drowning in the bath due to trying to inhale all ofย the gas and air, I opted for an epidural.

Even in intense pain the little voice at the back of my head was going โ€œwow, that Calmbirth stuff went out the window fast!โ€ The next hour or two is a bit of a blur but I was well aware of how loud I was and how embarrassed I was about that! But you really have no option but to give in to what is happening. The term wild animal does spring to mind!

Anyway, the epidural didn’t work properly because things were so far along but it did take the edge off, and on the plus side, it meant I was very aware of what was going on when the finish line came around. Yes, it hurt (I mean, how can it not, frankly?!) but I felt in control for the first time during all of it and was able to push at the right times and be very much in the moment. My OB arrived at the last minute and when he handed me Sebastian it was surreal and amazing but I didn’t bawl my eyes out as I’d imagined. I was too shocked and tired I think. I had skin to skin with him on my chest for an hour before he went anywhere and just lay there gazing at him, marvelling at how different he looked to what I’d expected. Damian and I watched the sunrise over Sydney from the birthing suite window and tried to catch our breath. After planning to โ€œstay north,โ€ my amazing husband had ended up being very involved in the labour, even holding one leg back while the midwife held the other when it came time to push. Full on! He found watching his son come into the world amazing and not at all gross or scary. So, it just goes to show, you can plan and plan, but when it comes to birth, you don’t have all that much say in what happens. And as my OB says, whoever invented the concept of a birth plan should be shot…

Did I forget all about the pain as soon as he was born? Not at all! Would I do it all again for the end result? Of course! Am I beating myself up about taking pain relief? No way!

breast milk

There is a lot of information out there about breastfeeding and even more opinions. Like the drug-free birth thing, it was my preference to breastfeed and I really hoped I’d be able to. I have no issue with people bottle feeding and I personally think mums are put under far too much pressure with the feeding thing. The midwives in hospital were just incredible when it came to trying to get us off on the best foot and Seb did seem to struggle a bit. I’ve never had my boobs held by so many people but you just go with it. Like everyone says, once you’ve had a baby there is no more dignity! Colostrum was collected in a syringe, he was given formula top ups (the horror!) for the first 48 hours because he couldn’t hold his blood sugar, and we persevered.

It got better, he was feeding, and by the time we left the hospital he was back to birth weight (high fives!) and we’d dropped the formula. When we got home, things seemed to be going pretty well and at his first nurse checkup at home he had continued to gain weight. But breastfeeding was never particularly easy, smooth or enjoyable. While it wasn’t painful, neither was it this blissful and peaceful bonding experience you’re led to imagine. Sebastian fussed on and off the breast crying and sometimes screaming. I called the Australian Breastfeeding Association hotline for advice and we talked about fast letdown and block feeding, tried Infacol for suspected wind and so on and so forth.

There was so much crying, not just while he was feeding but in general. But part of me thought he is just being a baby and babies cry, especially brand new ones. Suck it up because everyone tells you being a new mum is hard. But I kept remembering the offer to go back to our hospital and see the lactation consultants until he was six weeks old and I rang and made an appointment.

The midwife who helped us was amazing (someone else wants me to get my boobs out? Sure!). How great are midwives? I’ve never met one I didn’t love and most of them I’d like to adopt as my mum. His weigh in proved the last thing we had suspected: that he hadn’t been getting much milk in. He had gained only a small amount of weight over the previous two weeks. All that crying? Hunger, pure and simple. My heart sank but I was so glad I had asked for help when I did. To cut a long story short, after trying a few things, it turns out my darling little son just isn’t very good at latching. He just doesn’t get it! ย Faced with two options: giving up or expressing my breast milk (of which there’s no shortage) and bottle feeding it to him, I went with the latter.

While there are definite advantages to this (his dad being able to feed him for one), it is sooooo time consuming! When I’m not hooked up to my โ€œmilking machineโ€ (I’ve already upgraded to a double pump because time is precious), I’m washing and sterilising bottles or feeding him from them. But again, I’m not beating myself up about it and I’m just getting on with it and trying to make the best of it. Because that’s all you can do as a mum: your best. I’m grateful I’m able to breastfeed my son, if indirectly!

There is milk bloody everywhere. I swear I need more changes of clothes than Seb due to milk splashes. Oh, the glamour! As one of my followers rightly pointed out recently, whoever said don’t cry over spilt milk was clearly not talking about breast milk! There have almost been tears but mainly just swear words.

I’m happy to report that Sebastian is fattening up like a good’un and got top marks at his recent paediatrician visit! And what else matters really?

Perhaps the biggest lesson from this tale is to not be ashamed to ask for help.

Well, I think that’s enough TMI (too much information) warts and all for now. I have so much more to share with you on babies, great products I’ve discovered, cool presents he’s been sent etc, etc, but I’ll save it for another day as I have a baby to feed!

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July 10, 2015

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About Jen Bishop

Jen Bishop is our owner and publisher and an experienced journalist and editor. Interiors Addict has been her full-time job for more than 10 years. She is mum to two young boys and lives in Sydney.

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Comments

  1. AvatarRG says

    July 10, 2015 at 9:14 am

    Lovely post, really. Well said. Big hugs! You and Daddy are doing great, Mummy!

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 10, 2015 at 11:13 am

      Thanks! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  2. AvatarAnnie Stephenson says

    July 10, 2015 at 9:35 am

    And that’s spot on how it is for almost all of us mums. I enjoyed reading your post. It’s not about you anymore. Enjoy the ride with your little one x

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 10, 2015 at 11:13 am

      Definitely not, it is a huge shift but a great one! Thanks for your comment. Jen

      Reply
  3. AvatarAnne says

    July 10, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Wonderful article Jen. And good on you for sharing your experience. My “plan” also went out the window a couple of weeks ago when my little boy was born but I don’t regret a single decision I made and I’m glad I had researched everything before the birth and had an open mind. Because like you said baby is the one who calls the shots and we really have very little control!

    Glad to hear things are going well for you now. Isn’t motherhood just the most wonderful thing in the world! Can’t wait to read your recommendations on products you’ve discovered! โ˜บ

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 10, 2015 at 11:12 am

      Congratulations, Anne! Aren’t baby boys the best? Absolutely worth all the sleepless nights! Hope not to bore people with too much baby talk but there’s so much to share! Jen

      Reply
  4. Avatarpollyemj says

    July 10, 2015 at 11:27 am

    Great post Jen! It’s lovely to hear your story! I was taken straight back to those early days – that weird transition from pregnant and “in-control” of your life to “it’s all in the hands of the baby” is full on and you’re brave for sharing. Thank you

    Reply
  5. AvatarTanya says

    July 10, 2015 at 11:58 am

    a really good read, jen! nicely done!

    Reply
  6. AvatarSandra says

    July 10, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    Well said! I have a 6 wk old premie little girl and nothing went the way u had hoped including her arriving 5 wks early!! I have had the same trouble breast feeding so I am now expressing and feeding but alas I don’t make enough milk so am having to top up with formula!! Expressing and feeding is so hard it leaves little time for anything else including sleep but you wanna do it to give ur baby the best! It’s good to know that other people are having to to the same and makes me feel like less of a failure so thank you for sharing!!

    Reply
  7. AvatarTrish says

    July 10, 2015 at 1:54 pm

    Great post, I love your honesty. I have 4 kids & each experience has been completely different, like you say, just go with it!

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 10, 2015 at 2:06 pm

      Thanks Trish!

      Reply
  8. AvatarAriana says

    July 10, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    Great post Jen. With my first I ended up expressing for six months and then gave up and bottle fed. She was too young (32 weeks) to be able to breastfeed. Sometimes you just have to do what’s best for both of you regardless of what your plans were.

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 10, 2015 at 4:38 pm

      6 months is a massive effort, well done!

      Reply
  9. AvatarSFH Designs says

    July 11, 2015 at 10:32 am

    Beautiful read Jen and ‘High Five’ to you and your family! xxx

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      Thanks so much!

      Reply
  10. AvatarLisa R says

    July 12, 2015 at 11:33 am

    Great post….as someone who isn’t a mum and won’t be, your post made me laugh and cry….thanks for being so honest….I am sure those who are or will be Mums will appreciate you being so upfront….and little Sebastian is just gorgeous!

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Well I’m glad a non mum enjoyed it too ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  11. AvatarJen Goldrick says

    July 12, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    Lovely post, enjoy the good and try to remember that there is an end to the not so good (hard as that may be at times!)

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Thanks Jen! Must say, sleep deprivation aside, it’s all pretty good right now!

      Reply
  12. AvatarKate says

    July 12, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    Congrats to you and Damian. Wonderful news on birth of Sebastian! Your birth story sounded much like both of mine – drugs are totally cool for childbirth; especially in an induction. Just remember that advice you gave out re the plan? Take it forward too – don’t just throw it out for the birth – throw it out for a life time. My youngest is just about to turn 18; and while it is good to have a guideline and a framework….a plan is way too detailed! Just enjoy the roller coaster of each day. All too soon you’ll be wondering how he turned 18….

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      Such wise words! And I will definitely be trying to avoid being induced next time. Yes, already thinking about going back for more but not just yet! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  13. AvatarNikki says

    July 12, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    Totally related to your story regarding breastfeeding. My son wasn’t gaining weight either and it was sooo stressful! Good on you for going to all the extra effort to continue with breastmilk.
    Mmwah xx

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:19 pm

      Thanks Nikki! It’s quite the commitment but will keep going while I still can and am still sane ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  14. AvatarThe Mama Files (@MamaFiles) says

    July 12, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    Been WAITING for your story Jen, and wow – the birth sounds full-on. I can totally relate to a lot of that. I ended up with an emergency caesarean after 12 hours of labour and it all happened so fast it was a blur. Very scary actually. I didn’t meet bubba until 12 hours later because I was knocked out.
    That also affected breastfeeding (I managed about 6 weeks expressing, feeding and doing formula top-ups before it all went pear-shaped).
    I think we’re so used to planning / being in control we think that will give us security, but the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that you can’t beat yourself up or hold on to tight to how you think it should be / should go. All you can really do is let go and let the chips fall as they may when it comes to routines, feeding, sleeping etc! I’m still learning it – every day is something new.
    Your little man is so divine. My Charlie Bear is 10 months now! It has totally flown.
    See you on Insta ๐Ÿ™‚
    Rachel x

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:19 pm

      Hey Rachel. hope you and Charlie are really well! The time does fly! Despite being a control freak, from the very start of pregnancy I was weirdly go with the flow about it all precisely because I COULDN’T control it, it kind of helped if that makes sense? Jen

      Reply
      • AvatarThe Mama Files (@MamaFiles) says

        July 20, 2015 at 6:34 am

        You were smart then! I held on too tight, especially at the start. The endless tests freaked me out but you can’t control them (or the outcome). By week 16 when I knew everything was hunky dory I became very Zen about it all ๐Ÿ™‚
        We are good, although I’ve battled a throat thing for 2 weeks now. Luckily Charlie is the picture of chubby health and hasn’t caught it – touch wood! xo

        Reply
  15. AvatarSiroccohome says

    July 12, 2015 at 8:14 pm

    Congratulations Jen for sharing such an intimate time
    It is all encompassing and yes I breast fed both my girls while struggling and juggling
    work,home,high standards and I as well had lots of tears sometimes.
    My daughters are now 19 and 24 and to the amazement of my staff
    i openly say they are my greatest achievement and greatest priority
    My only big sister advice is on the overwhelming days
    Tell yourself this feeling will pass as quickly as it came
    and usually it is due to exhaustion
    So I then had a nana nap when the baby slept and all calmed down
    and I could juggle all things better
    Keep up the posts your readers will so benefit from your sharing

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:18 pm

      Oh, the nana naps! I need to work on making time for them! Thanks for the lovely comment, I agree, motherhood is the best, bad bits and all! Jen

      Reply
  16. Avatarsally says

    July 12, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    Brilliant post Jen, thanks for sharing so honestly, it really does do all us mums and dads good to share the warts and all versions of all aspects of parenthood.

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:17 pm

      That was the idea behind it, thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  17. AvatarSarah Shanahan says

    July 12, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    Loved reading this Jen, I had no birth plan as I was expecting twins, epidural hell as well but delivered two girls naturally and it seems like yesterday not 20 years ago and then a few boys too! Breast feeding hurt so much! Ouch ouch ouch is all I remember! Sebastian is just gorgeous. Congratulations to you and Damian. Xx

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:16 pm

      Thanks Sarah! x

      Reply
  18. AvatarMelissa Claringbold says

    July 13, 2015 at 11:20 am

    Well done Jen, that was a beautiful post and I enjoyed reading it.
    I am expecting my first baby very soon and have no idea what to expect or how I will cope but your story was very reassuring, thank you for sharing it!!
    All the best for your new little family xx

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:16 pm

      Thanks so much and all the best with the rest of your pregnancy.It is the most amazing thing you will ever do, warts and all, I promise! Jen

      Reply
  19. AvatarRebecca says

    July 13, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    Oh hon, what an ordeal, but look how far you’ve come! Well done you. Agree with everything you say about expectations about birth and breastfeeding. There is way too much pressure on women to do things the ‘right’ way. IOur H had the same blood sugar issues as Seb – he also had colustrum via syringe (extracted while I was semi-conscious) and formula top-ups. Also, I have photos of me looking terrible with a half-soaked PJ top. Leaky boobs R Us. X

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 10:15 pm

      I look forward to discussing all the gory details with you on Wednesday ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  20. AvatarSandra says

    July 13, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    Great post. Thank you for your honesty. I really think we don’t allow ourselves to talk enough about the horrors of conception (for those of us who find it difficult, that is!), pregnancy, childbirth and those hazy early days of being a new parent. But then again, until you go through it, you are never really going to know what it’s truly like. I think it gets easier, though. It has for me xxx

    Reply
    • AvatarJen Bishop says

      July 13, 2015 at 11:05 pm

      Thanks Sandra. You’re right, until you’ve been through it you have NO IDEA of the highs AND the lows! I’d definitely say the good parts are even better than I ever imagined too!

      Reply
  21. AvatarSharon says

    July 14, 2015 at 6:42 pm

    Hi Jen,

    I sooooo agree with you. Whilst my boys have grown up, I had a terrible time with the first though I was politely saying, “thank you” and “please” throughout the labour and consecrated on my breathing, holding back any desire to scream or cry, though I did vomit. So with my second, I had the induction booked, screamed like a maniac and felt like a wild, terrified horse. I had more than one epidural to help stop me having a minor stroke like I did with the first and in my terror, thought it was such a bad idea to conceive 9 months prior!!! Of course, that was just the height of the emotion of the time as I just love both my sons! The first was hungry and crying because of it due to my ignorance in breast feeding until I lost my milk after 2 months and the second well fed and contented, though bottle fed from birth. Both have grown to be wonderful loving young men I am proud of. I found the key was not to stress about doing things by the book (what book!) and go with the flow in your circumstances. If they are hungry, feed them and let others do the feeding when possible, as you will get plenty of opportunities to hold them and tell them how much you adore them the rest of the time.
    After my experience, I readily warn women not to be too keen on having babies as it isn’t all a fairytale, though I respect every person’s desire to have their own offspring. But then I hear that some babies are the fairytale!
    Best wishes and love to you

    Reply

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